I'm offended

We live in a society where many people are afraid to say certain words, express their truth, or go to events, because they don’t want to offend others, just because one might find out they are associated with a specific group or individual.

How often do you hear someone say the following?

“That offends me.”

You may hear it more often on social media channels and online postings than in regular face-to-face interactions. However, it has become so prevalent that people will pause or choose not to express themselves because they fear what others might think, say, or do based on an opinion (or, in some cases, even when facts are presented). Some of the crowds I’ve been a part of show this, evident through political conversations or the sources one chooses for their newsfeed.

Before the election, a friend and I were conversing, and I was asking her questions about her beliefs and thoughts. The conversation was civil, with no raising of voices, slamming of fists, or derogatory remarks. However, before we could get into it, she stopped the conversation and stated,

“I don’t want to get too into this because I’m pretty sure I know your thoughts and who you are going to vote for, and I don’t want to think any less of you because I think you’re a great person.”

I was blown away. A friend sat before me, telling me in the same breath what they think of me, which was in high regard, but also telling me they were offended by who they thought I was going to vote for (and to this day, they still don’t know). I’m not mad at them, I don’t think differently of them, but I mention it here because we would rather shy away from conversations that create critical thinking and be able to have a civilized debate; we choose to stay silent and go inward.

Our fear of offending others often leads us to compromise our own values. We offend ourselves to defend others’ and the beliefs they hold about us.

According to Merriam-Webster, the definition of offend is the following:

• to transgress the moral or divine law;

• to violate a law or rule: do wrong

• to cause difficulty, discomfort, or injury

• to cause dislike, anger, or vexation (state of being annoyed, frustrated, or worried)

  
  

When I read this, I think about what it means not to live our truth and to live honestly. This isn’t a blank check to go out and live a life of “in your face”; however, it is a piece of a puzzle that includes empathy, sympathy, honesty, kindness, and forgiveness.

Being offended by others is not, and should not be, the issue. There is nothing wrong with being in discomfort, asking difficult questions, or even having people dislike us. Often, it’s in those moments that individuals have the strongest amount of growth and can move forward and create stronger bonds within their belief system, or they can see things from a different perspective, and it opens their mind to the possibilities that extend beyond.

When you compromise your true self (from a place of love), you end up contending and arguing with yourself. You are both the bad guy and the hero in the battle between your ears. It’s important to remain true to who you are but open to the possibilities that extend beyond your knowledge and experience so that you can continue to grow.

Don’t be afraid to be offended. Be open to conversation and explore things you might not be aware of. Have dialogue that forces you to think differently or deeper, but be open to the possibility of not offending yourself and later being annoyed that you wish you had said something, done something, or at the very least been honest.